How much does it cost to own a dog?

Don't look! The total might terrify you!

A bit low after yesterday's bruising bowl game (but, hey, it was a bonus, and Andre44 made a touchdown, and Chase Rettig flipped an amazing somersault to nail a first down, kind of like a move I would make), I decided to review my finances, or lack thereof.

I couldn't get motivated to totally go through the ledger, so I just looked at the debit card transactions. This leaves out boarding, because my favorite kennel takes checks only, and as things started adding up, I just didn't have the heart to look further.

So here's the minimum I spent on myself in 2013. Keep in mind, I require no grooming beyond the occasional capture for an outdoor bath in the backyard (mani-pedis, however, must be done in the salon); I've had no illnesses whatsoever, yet the vet bill from those two nasty, nasty attacks on my person did add up. Then there are heartworm pills, Frontline to keep ticks away, checkups, vaccinations, etc., etc., etc.

OK, here's the total vet bill: $1341.21. Yes, you read that right.

Then there's food, another requirement. I eat Natural Planet Organics, available at PetWorld in Natick. True, this bill includes food for one bunny and the very recent avian acquisition, but she barely eats anything (although her checkup fee rivaled mine: I'll have to calculate the ounce-for-ounce comparison, which will be stunning because she only weighs 40 grams).

Petworld: $1191.11 Yes, you read that right, too.

The SmartPak store: Hugs are free, but Frontline isn't: $81.71. Considering how many times I pop in there and don't buy anything, it's really not that bad.

Petco Unleashed: $119.66. That does not count my weekly dragging of Mom to the store and being forced to buy whatever I snag from the racks. It does include, however, some behavior training. Why, I do not know.

Replacement dog barrier from Volvo: $300, but I think Mom got a rebate. Not terrible, considering I absolutely punished the $100 job that's been kicking around in the way back with me for the last couple of years.

Town of Wellesley dog license: $12. A bargain.

Total, again, not including boarding, incidentals, toys, breakage, rug shampooing, furniture cleaning, heat loss due to my lengthy checking of the weather before going out, garden repair, etc. etc. etc.: A mere $3045.69.

That's almost nothing, considering the joy I bring my family every day. Especially when I'm checking the winter weather.