Sunday, May 5, 2013

Getting bent out of shape, literally

Perhaps I have been concussed. Perhaps I have just been lazy. In any case, I've been away from my computer for far too long, enjoying this long stretch of sunshine and the pleasures of chasing chipmunks.

Question: have you ever bonked your way into a screen door? If not, I am here to attest that it really, really makes your body hurt. One feels like one's nose (that's the part that hit first) has permanently been patterned, sort of like an alligator skin handbag, only less desirably so.

You've already read about my penchant for, upon Mom's arrival, grabbing a boot and running outside with it at the first opportunity in the hopes that she will chase me and learn to play my game. So you'll understand two things: first, that the garden often has abandoned boots lying around, just right for toads to rest in, and second, that my velocity is rather unstoppable.

If velocity can be measured in units that express displacement over time, perhaps this photograph will show the results of  said displacement, which occurred when, having grabbed the boot, I sped my way straight through that screen door, which displaced itself smack onto the patio with a hound-size hole in it and a frame bent by a good kick of that boot.

It turned out to be the first day, and the last, that Dad slid the screen door into action.